I Do What i Want

Hi, I'm Gary. 21 and SoCal (:

Fatties Stalking

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These emotions

Catching those feelings that you just don’t want, but you secretly want to keep on talking to them despite how much it hurts not being able to say what you really want to say to them. It probably won’t be a thing, but god damn does the sound of your voice and the faces you make are really cute. I don’t know what to do anymore, but its killing me inside the more I think about it, especially when we don’t even talk that much. Just hearing you rant about certain aspects of your life makes me want to show you the better things in life and give you what you deserve. The things you do and give to others is way too much and they took advantage of it. I don’t know what to say, but “wow, how can they do that”. I want to spoil you, the more I look at you.

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Probably the loneliness talking but….

Sometimes I wish I had someone to look forward to seeing the next day whenever I wake up, just because seeing them makes practically everything better… maybe I wouldn’t stay up so late as much too. This is the time when my mind consumes me the most and I don’t know why…

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another semester almost over and I don’t know what i’m doing with my life anymore honestly lol….

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This family….

Everyone has to blame someone for something and no one owns up and say it is their fault for whatever is happening. One person can’t seem to remember anything that happens or what she said before and then goes blaming me for whatever is happening at that moment. Always think she is shouldering everything and I am doing NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL to help her and this just really pisses me off when she thinks what I was doing had no significance. It gets worse when you have another person that just can’t seem to keep his temper under control and just explodes every time someone just sounds a bit loud towards him and automatically thinks he must assert that he is the “boss” and you need to automatically respect him otherwise you’re going to get hurt physically. You can’t reason with them, because they deal you a card that makes your argument completely invalid and that you are always wrong regardless, because you HAVE TO RESPECT THEM just for being older and you have to watch your manners.

I am FUCKEN DONE.

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Sometimes I think I won’t meet the girl that will just “click” with me and despite all the people around me, I still feel alone especially at night. Its not like people don’t talk to me or anything, but its more of the fact i’m not getting that feeling of closeness with someone that I want. Sometimes maybe even with all the similar interests present, it might not even matter at all when I can’t even have a conversation long enough without fucking up. 

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sometimes i wonder whether i wanna be with someone or just stay alone some more. I been alright these past 3 years without someone, but it just makes me remember that theres no one i can call mine whenever i hear about things going on for my friends. i’m not saying i absolutely need someone there to make me happy, but ya know….. it be nice

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giving advice to a friend about what to do when they’re dating a girl when i don’t even have one. lol

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when your mom tells you she going to check on you later if you went to bed yet, but she never comes when you’re doing nothing except reading on the internet. BUT when you start playing games…. she has like the most ridiculous timing to catch you slippin…..

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Me and clubbing….

first time going to a club and the first girl that danced/grinded on me tells me that i look 7 years old…. man talk about shooting down my confidence…..

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Well then…. these past dreams i’ve been getting are pretty strange…. first i get a dream where i got to go to japan and then for some reason i get shot in a car with some japanese acquaintance by a korean gang. then i get  a dream about how i fucked up on a date in the past and this is explained to me by the girl on webcam and was streamed to some of my friends….

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You ever have that moment where you just get a sudden flashback of something that had happen and you try really hard to stop thinking about it? Yep….. I hate the past sometimes

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I had a chance, but I didn’t kept at it and now I lost it. Nothing left except, I regret.
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